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We’re overwhelmed and it’s difficult to make progress.  Our path is choked with landmines.  We feel stuck, unable to make forward progress in a complex, fiery relationship.  It feels like so much damage has been done, it’s impossible to recover.

But our hearts refuse to quit.  No matter how scared or angry our minds, we know our heart won’t let us leave.  We’ve tried everything to get in, and everything to get out.  We’re stuck, in it with each other.

There’s only one way forward.  Together.

We surrender.


The war must end.  The dust must settle.  We must take an active role in this process.

It is not time for more extremes.  It is not time for ultimatums or goodbye forever.

It is time for “unextreming”.

Are you able to be civil?

Are you able to take care of yourself?  The basics: sleep, eat, exercise.  I like to include sunshine and meditation.  Maybe you’ll include socializing.

Unextreming is about refocusing with simplicity.  Rebuild a foundation, starting with self and civility.

Can you be friends first?  I don’t mean go to the extreme of un-titling a relationship or setting new boundaries.  I mean, can you stop being mean?  Can you listen patiently, respond constructively?  Can you begin to share honestly?

If you don’t meditate yet, now is a great time to start.  Wherever you are, take a deep breath in through the nose and release through the mouth.  Relax your body; your shoulders, your face, your hips.  Let your mind quiet as you return to reality, the simplicity of the present moment, unattached/indifferent, without judgement or agenda.  Great your done, a few seconds was a fine place to start.


Carry a mindfulness of this simple present reality wherever you go.  The extremes are in your mind.

Now is not a time for the heroics of passion.  Now is a time for peace and patience.

Honor yourself starting with your basic needs.  Build a foundation for love.



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